The script in ‘Black’ relate to the fifth morning (in the wee hours of the morning) after I was admitted into St Helier Hospital and it’s what I sent out to my family.
Now this post is what I experienced when suddenly, I thought I was slipping back into how I felt and what I was like during my three week torment, when I just could not get out of bed without the BIGGEST struggle of the century…
…or of at least my three score years!
Today, I near had a relapse into just laying there again, doing absolutely nothing because I was telling myself the bed was the most comfortable place to be, so stay there!
People are dying in their beds at this very moment!!!
So to make it more understandable in the way of, if such a thing ever happens to you or if you have doubts or don’t feel like doing something when you know you should or must…
..I have translated it into the Positive you and the Negative you, the BIG Person in you and the small Person in you, GOD and the Devil or JESUS and Satan.
I have such conversations with myself and I am sure, you do too but which way do you tend to go?
We have all been given the Freedom Of Choice!
What will you choose, what do you choose, the Positive actions or the Negative actions when you’re up against making a choice Good or Bad regardless of the degree of the action to undertake?
You’ll find the timelines go in and out and back and forth but stay with me, stick with me, as everything will come together, as the main aim of this site is to help you and your loved ones deal with the COVID-19 and give your life (back) to CHRIST, whether COVID-19 comes a knocking at your door or not!
Tuesday the 7th April 2020 – Day Five In St Helier Hospital
I was lying here, wanting to go to the loo for a number one…
…and my mind started to play tricks on me, again!
The negative me!
I’m going to refer to the negative me as Satan.
Satan was telling me:
“Yes, You’re Awake And Yes,
You Want To Go To The Loo
But I Don’t Think You’re Going To Make It!
Remember How Exhausted You Were A Few Days Ago?
I Think You Are Exhausted Right Now
And It’s Going To Be Very,
Very Difficult To Get Out Of Bed…
…So Why Even Try?
Stay Where You Are?
You Won’t Wet Yourself,
I Mean You Have A Strong Bladder,
When Was The Last Time You Wet Yourself?
Your Ego Is Too BIG To Let That Happen!
Just Stay In Bed Where It Feels Nice,
Warm And Comfortable And If You Do Get Desperate,
Call A Nurse
And She Will Give You A Bed Pan.”
Satan has the most sweetest of words, doesn’t he?
He tells you, exactly what your want to hear!
So I lay here for what seemed like an eternity because – I was feeling scared…
…scared of failure!
I was thinking:
“You’re Right Satan,
It’s Going To Be Hard Work Getting Up,
It’s Even Hard Work Moving In My Bed!”
So, I didn’t even move!
I have been drinking gallons of water and litres of orange juice on top.
This means, I’m now always wanting to go to the toilet.
But now I was lying there and going beyond fear to being down right annoyed and determined because the BIG or positive voice in me…
…I’m going to refer to the BIG or positive voice in me as JESUS…
Get Up And Go – To – The Toilet!!!”
JESUS didn’t have to say much or did say much as compared to Satan, as previously, when I was totally under the influence of Satan, JESUS said this to me:
“Come On Wilson,
Get Up And Test Yourself Out,
Do Not Be Afraid To Try Just Because You Felt Weak Before…
…Can’t You Feel The Energy Surging Through Your Body
As You Lie Here?
See If You Have The Same Energy Standing Up…
…Practice That Deep Breathing
You Have Been Thinking About For So Long!!!”
I did get out of bed after a long pause and I was absolutely fine!
So, in what JESUS had previously said, above, where it worked (bearing in mind I had not been able to (easily) get out of bed for the last three weeks), I got up!
I was scared or concerned again though and as I pushed back my blankets (as that’s a challenge in itself)!
It’s not that we often can’t push back the blankets, sheets or duvet, it’s because we don’t want to, as doing that simple action sometimes means:
1. You’re going to feel cold, if it’s a chilly morning or day!
2. You’re going to feel cold, chilly or uncomfortable, if you’ve had a sweaty night!
3. You’re going to have to get up but you may not want to because you don’t want to face the day because you know there are challenges ahead!
4. You’re going to have to get up, where you may want just another five minutes sleep, just another five minutes…
…where Satan will say to you:
A Five Minutes Of Extra Sleep,
Now Get Back To Sleep,
As You Know It Feels Better Lying In The Warmth Of Your Bed…
Five Minutes Is Nothing!”
Anyway, after I pushed back the blankets, I then ‘KICKED’ back the blankets, shook my legs, did a couple of (martial arts) punches in the air and immediately got up!
You know the tale of me having only boots and no slippers, right?
So, that’s another challenge in itself as the boots make me about six foot taller where I have to work on keeping my balance when wearing them!
I call those boots my ‘Claude Hoppers’.
So, I put them on, stood up stamped my feet (to what I thought was quietly for about four stamps) and headed out of the ward room towards the toilet…
…and only ten metres away around the corner sits a nurse (where they have different shifts), all day and all night…
…where the night nurse came rushing around the corner whilst I was briskly walking around the same corner and towards her…
…we nearly clashed teeth!!!
She asked if I was okay as she was concerned about the stamping (but it really wasn’t that loud, I’m sure or it) and I said:
I Feel Great!”
I went to the loo with ease, flushed it thereafter, washed my hands, dried my hands, opened the door, using a tissue whilst keeping it ajar with my left foot (wearing my Claude Hoppers) whilst hold the bin open with my right foot to dispense of the tissue I used to open the door!
There’s a lot of movement, action and motion to undertake and it becomes so apparent when you cannot do it…
…especially after my three week long episode of not being able to even lift a finger!
I had some good days (at home) though where I actually got to another room and stayed there, all day!
But it was a bit of a struggle to leave the room and go back to my bed again but at times, I felt I was getting better!
So, here at the hospital, I came back to the bed and thought I would let you know of my experience…
…where no way did I think or know it would take this long to write or produce!
I thought I could express it in five minutes and be done!
It’s been over sixty minutes to write this but it doesn’t feel like it!
I hope it does not take you sixty minutes to read it!!!
Anyway, in ending, when I woke up to go to the loo, I thought it near time to be up anyway…
…where I saw the time was only 03:25!!!
I’m going back to sleep or I’m just going to lie here…
Oh and thank you JESUS, for your good and simple words that got me out of bed!!!
I Love You All!
P.S. Writing to you really helps as it gives me something to focus on!
“But I Will Show You Whom You Should Fear:
Fear Him Who,
After Your Body Has Been Killed,
Has Authority To Throw You Into Hell.
I Tell You, Fear Him.”
This site is dedicated to:
- Saving Lives
- Saving Souls
GOD Bless you!
Wilson P Williams MSHAA, HAD